Sweet Charity @ the Al Hirschfeld Theatre June 3rd, 2005 featuring Christina Applegate

It's been raining all day long, steady not hard and not really disheartening or dreary. It didn't stop Lisa and me, we still walked all over God's not-so-green acre from Times Square to China Town, up and down and criss-crossin' until China Town seemed like a never ending series of nightmarish shops, little alcoves that become huge three tiered monster outlets...with basements for godsakes, shadowy china-doll madames and sinister looking white ethnics petition us languidly for our dollar with just a hint of menace underneath their appeal. We bought all kinds of things -kimonos, for our granddaughter, CD player for our grandson, and assorted clothing for our grown children. I even bought a DVD for $3, Nicole Kidman in The Interpreter. As I gave the lady my ching a chinese fella walked passed me, shook his head and rolled his eyes. Sure enough, it was even more bogus than I hoped, ya see I like to get hustled now & again and this seemed like the perfect time to be the victim of a scam. Seems that this particular DVD starts at about half way through the movie and is dubbed in Spanish. Spanish? We were just diggin' the vibe, the hustle and bustle of the streets, gettin' off on the people. Pretty women, shady characters, street musicians, people talkin' to themselves, young women pushin' babies in strollers, others just makin' their way. I thought we fit in quite nicely. And we may have set an all-time personal record for drinkin' white chocolate mocha at Starbucks. THANK GOD THERE'S A STARBUCKS!!!! In New York there is a fuckin' Starbucks on every other street corner throughout the city (at least), can't miss 'em. Anway, we'd already seen Spamalot and this was our last night so we traipsed over to the 50% off booth in Times Square, open from 3-5pm for the discounted performances - no $393 Spamalot online ripoff. No sirree Bob, we wanna get ripped off right at the box office, up close and personal. We paid $52 each for Orchestra seats. Not bad. But this is where we meet up with a bonafide lunatic for the first and only time during our reverie in New York. This dude is rantin' and ravin' at everyone 'cos he was asked by security to disengage his umbrella. We are all huddled under the box office tent and an umbrella was a bit too intrusive for the limited space. But the shiny lunatic man didn't think so. He's yellin' at security for yellin at him and he screams, "YOU DON'T WANNA GET ME MAD." Made me wonder what he does when he's really pissed. I found out, only moments later...said lunatic finally makes it through the long line, all the way to the box office window. But he's turned away because he wants to purchase tickets for tomorrow's show and the 50% deal is available for only today's show. Well, not wanting to disappoint us, Mr. Loony-bin proceeds to blow a gasket, eyes bugin' and glarin and lookin' in all directions. Hundreds of us averted our eyes, lookin' down or away just to avoid his strange Medusa-like voodoo. He starts sceaming at all of us and no one in particular, "FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU AND FUCK YOU ALL...AH-HA-A-HA-HA...AH-HA-AHHHA-AH-EEK. And he runs off laughing maniacally as he flips off or attempts to flip off everyone in Times Square. I gotta respect that.

The orcestra shines throughout the perfoirmance with crisp full-bodied sound. Christina Applegate, despite mixed reviews, truly shines as the hard luck, loser in love. She may not be Gwen Verdon or even Shirley Maclaine but who'd wanna be a figment of someone else's past evocation? Nope. Applegate more than holds her own. She simply sings and dances her ass off, plucky she is, and full of heart. I was surprised that she was a little pint-a-piss, diminutive and brassy but not a hint of the buxom sex goddess-airhead she portrayed in Married With Children...and just a few years back she was still stuck reprising the spirit of Kelly Bundy, only grown-up a little, when she was goofin' as Cameron Diaz' horney pal in The Sweetest Thing, a Thelma & Louise wannabe chick-flick adolescent, feel-good disposable napkin of a movie. Those days are over, finally. Now she's more genuine less typecast. She's a smart cookie and has a gots-what-it-takes and knows-how-to-use-it attitude. She takes command of the stage in her solo spots and is especially effective on If My Friends Could See Me Now, The Bravest Individual, and Where Am I Going. Several cast numbers were outstanding, especially Hey Big Spender and Rich Man's Frug. I loved the end of Act One when Applegate and her co-star Dennis O' Hare got stuck in the elevator. Impeccable timing, great comic relief! I suppose a happy ending would have been trite but seein' Applegate strut off into the sunset, all alone, choked me up...just a little. SHE JUST DIDN'T DESERVE IT, YA SEE, IT JUST AIN'T RIGHT!

But I got over it after a little dinner and a nightcap...a White Chocolate Mocha Venti, doncha know.

Peace,
Bo White

9/5/2005